Moving into a care home can have a negative effect on some people. Providing a listening ear, being understanding and empathetic, encouraging her to make small decisions, giving her time to adjust, and having a radar that is alert to issues that need to be addressed, will go a long way to helping your mum resume her interest in life.
Understanding
Moving to a new home, even in the best of times is well recognised as being a stressful event.
Moving to a care home however often comes at a time when the person is feeling quite fragile e.g., following the death of a spouse/partner (who might have been their caregiver) or experiencing a decline in their own health. This may be further complicated by any negative experiences they have had of visiting a care home in the past and/or reports they know of incidents of poor care and even abuse (despite these being isolated).
We shouldn’t be surprised then that an older person moving into a residential care home could be experiencing a range of emotions such as:
- bewilderment/confusion, a sense of being overwhelmed e.g. by the process leading up to the event
- powerlessness
- resignation
- grief associated with multiple losses e.g. home, neighbours, pets, control over their lives, the death of a spouse
- nervousness about leaving the familiar and facing the unfamiliar
- worry about a potential loss of privacy
- anger e.g. about the financial situation, particularly the inability in some instances to pass on the ‘fruit of their hard work’ to their children
Decision making
When people are overwhelmed, or if their declining health is such that they are less able to make decisions for themselves, they may ask others to make decisions for them. This can create problems later as they may feel resentful that they did not make the decision themselves or they may blame others if they are unhappy with the home they now live in. Care, therefore, needs to be taken to ensure that the person is as involved as possible in the decision-making process and that decisions that are made, are consistent with what it is understood the person would have made for themselves, had they been able.
Helping your mum make her new home, her own, involves a degree of decision making.
Does something need to be done
Depression may also complicate things. It is a common complaint of older people and often goes unrecognised. It is important to seek help from a health professional if depression is suspected or if ‘low mood’ continues.
Is the home the right home. Sometimes the fit isn’t right. If you have care home options, your mother may be willing to investigate these. (See Can I transfer to a different care home?)
Better days
If you understand these things, you are in a better position to be empathetic and to be able to support your parent. Give your mother time to adjust to these feelings, allow her to talk about them (without you needing to comment), help her make her new home her own, encourage her to take one day at a time and help her to see the positive things in her future.
In time most people settle into their new home, become more interested and involved in their new environment and feel reassured by the support and care they now have.
Updated: 4 Dec 2024