How can we help mum settle into her new rest home?

Moving into a care home requires a lot of major lifestyle adjustments.  While everyone deals with change differently family members may be able to utilise the suggestions below to assist with this adjustment process. All mayor changes we make in life have some positive aspects and some less so. Remember to accentuate the positives and don’t be blind to the negatives.

• Encourage your mother to take personal belongings with her so she can begin to treat this new place as her own home. Some people like to take a large number of personal items, furniture and/or a pet with them. Talk with the facility manager about what is appropriate and manageable for the room size, and that will suit the way your mother likes to live etc. Other people initially want to discard most of their belongings (this may be a reflection of how they are feeling about the move). If possible, encourage them to allow important and/or sentimental items to be stored and review this decision in the future. Often, once the person begins settling in, items of significance can be reintroduced.
• Be available to talk. It’s natural that when becoming a member of a new community that there will be a number of things your mother will want to talk about; people who do things differently to how she does, routines that on first impression may seem to be overly regimented etc. She may not be looking for solutions to any issues she raises but may simply feel better for having expressed her feelings. Avoid telling her that everything is fine. Just listen to her. Listening doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree, but it does mean that she knows you are supporting her.
• Where possible assist your mother to keep up her previous contacts in the community. This can be done via phone calls, emails, text or video calls. If she was a member of a community group prior to the move encourage her to continue with this afterwards.  Ask the manager how this can be done.  Mobility vouchers may be available to assist with transport.
• Continuing with previous interests can also assist someone to settle in. If appropriate, talk to the activities coordinator about your mother’s previous interests and activities and see if any of these can be continued in some way.
• Encourage your mother to stay as active as possible. Physical actively has positive psychological effects too. Perhaps family members can take her out for a walk. If the facility offers an exercise programme, there may be opportunities to link into these or build on them during your times together. Ask the Occupational/Diversional therapist or Activities Coordinator for ideas. 
• If your mother is struggling to settle in, she may find (if she is able) that writing down her concerns or feelings about the move helps her to clarify and deal with her thoughts about this new life. No one needs to see this; just the act of writing things out can be therapeutic.
• Another option, if settling in is proving to be difficult, is to encourage your mother to talk to a social worker (e.g., from the service that was involved in the move) about specific concerns. The facility may also have a visiting pastoral worker or spiritual advisor who may be available to talk to and assist. These people are more impartial than family members and they have the skills to help people work through issues they are finding difficult.
• A move into residential care requires many changes and adjustments. It is understandable therefore that this adjustment process will take time. Be aware of this and be patient.
• If you feel that your mother is not coping well with the move after trying these suggestions let someone know e.g., the manager (if appropriate), her doctor or the service coordinator or social worker who was involved in the placement. There could be various reasons as to why she has not settled in e.g., unresolved issues with people at the facility, suffering from depression which could be relieved or managed with the right medical advice or it could be that the facility is not the most suitable for her. Keep an open mind about what the solution/s may be.
• Finally, encourage your mother to speak up and speak for herself if something is worrying her. She may be of the 'silent' generation where 'speaking up' wasn't the thing to do but the younger generations are used to this and find it easier dealing with issues once they know what they are. The team at the care home will probably appreciate it.